Larry Brown Notes

The 10 Stupidest Questions Passengers Ask Crew Members (on a long range boat)

By Larry Brown

 I was on a long range boat and joined a hilarious discussion with some long term, long range anglers and crew members.  The topic: the stupidest questions crew members most frequently hear from passengers.  This is a guide to NOT be one of “those” passengers.  This is the list of the top 10 stupidest questions we anglers ask crew members, and why.   I’ve been personally guilty of several of these and wanted to share my new learned wisdom with the rest of you.

1.         What’s the name of that boat over there?

There are scores of boats in the over night and long range fleet that may be fishing on the grounds.  Chances are if you can’t read the name nor can the crew member.  Plus, he’s just been asked the same question 5 times in the last hour. 

2.         How deep is it here?

This may be a relevant question if you are anchored at an island, but only the guy driving the boat watching the electronics knows the answer.  What’s really funny is when crew members are asked this in open water, several times a day.  The crew doesn’t know, doesn’t care and neither should we.  It’s not relevant.

3.         When are we going to start fishing?

We are.  Remember fishing doesn’t mean catching.  Fishing means searching and waiting and enjoying the whole experience from the time you leave your house until you return to the dock.

Chances are if you are on a sport fishing boat, you are fishing.  If you really meant to ask “when are we going to start catching fish,” only the Fish Gods have that privileged information.

4.         Are the other boats doing any better?

I recently asked this question on a long range trip to the captain, who fortunately I consider a friend.  I’m sure he wanted to needle me and would not have responded this way to most other passengers.  He turned and exclaimed, “that’s probably the most insulting thing you can ever ask a captain of a boat!”  Of course I asked him the exact question 20 seconds later just to bug him, but the lesson was etched in my brain never to ask that of any other skipper while on a long range fishing trip.  These guys work their tails off to find fish and get them to bite, and they are extremely competitive and proud.  It’s the last thing they want to be asked on a slow day.

5.         Did you have a good sleep?

That’s the first thing I generally ask people in the morning, especially when I’m the charter master.  It’s really just a common “good morning” sort of thing, but the crews suffer from sleep depravity due to their nightly “watch” obligation and rotating hours. While sailing 2 crew members must always be awake, and at anchor there must always be at least one crew member standing watch.  Plus everybody is up at 5AM and works their butts off all day.  They always need a good nights sleep, but never get one.

6.         Where are we?

Somewhere in the Pacific and no more than 150 miles away from where we were yesterday.  Once again, only the crew member driving the boat knows the current GPS points.  Plus, the boats in any code group don’t want their locations known by others and certainly they don’t want this information potentially passed on to private boaters.  Other than that the answers is always the same, and the guy asking the question already knows, we are somewhere off the Baja Coast south or west of San Diego.  The crew member doesn’t have a map and can’t say we’re 20 miles South of Tucson.  And does it really matter?

7.         How far are we from San Diego?

Save this question for the wheel house.  The deck crew probably don’t know and don’t care.  It doesn’t matter.  They’ve been asked this question 6 times already today.  Why do you want to know?

8.         Which way is land?

Who gives a rats _____.  If it’s cloudy he doesn’t know the answer.  If it’s not mid day and the sun is out you should be able to figure it out just as easily as any deck hand.  And in a while it will probably be in a different direction anyway (if you are trolling.)   

9          Which way are we going?

Notice, these last few all seem related.  Imagine being asked these similar questions dozens of times a day and responding respectfully, day, after day, after day.  If the sun is out, you shouldn’t have to ask.  If it isn’t, he won’t know either.  Chances are they will just point to the pointy end of the boat to answer the question.

10.       Do you think the wind will calm down tomorrow?

Questions like this one or “do you think fishing will be better tomorrow?” require a special genie lamp to answer.  Don’t we all wish somebody knew.  Most captains give their passengers a weather report and fish report from the fleet each evening, but asking the deckhands questions like these during the day just places you in a special category of angler, in which you really prefer not to be.

These appear to be the top 10 stupid questions asked day after day by anglers on the over night and long range boats out of San Diego.  The deck hands had a small group of anglers in stitches trying to come up with the 10 best stupidest questions.  We were also laughing at ourselves because each one of us were guilty of asking one or more of these questions in the not so distant past.  I, for one, will try to learn my lesson and refrain from asking these silly questions in the future, for which there are no relevant answers.

There were a few honorable mentions that didn’t make the top 10 list but are given here today to complete our sensitivity training.

11.       Do you think this will be a good year?

12.       Is this a good knot?

13.       How strong is this line?

14.       How old is this boat?

15.       How big do you think that fish was (that was caught 30 minutes ago)?

16.       Where are the kelp paddies?

17.       What’s the water temp?